New Directions

Hello!
Its been a while. And I was super on the fence about even writing this post. After some thought on this post, I do want to shed light on all aspects of this journey I've been on and I'd be leaving out a huge part of surrogacy if I failed to talk about life after carrying for this wonderful family 😊
I feel like I say this a lot, but as a warning, this may get a bit wordy and emotional.
It's been quite a busy few months since Ava's arrival. After having her, I took what I dubbed a "baby-cation" for 6 weeks. I bounced back after the first two weeks and then basically hit up the house projects something fierce (painted Armin's room, my room, stained my deck and prepped my basement for ~hopefully~ new floors this winter). It was nice to have the time off but as you can see, I need something to keep myself busy so it was nice getting back to work when I did.
Ava and her dads had stayed in Sioux Falls for about 3 weeks while they waited for renovations on their house to get closer to completion. It was wonderful to spend that time with them and to kind of show them "the sights" when they felt up to it. As I had imagined, it was very bittersweet to say goodbye to them. I was beyond happy to see them getting back to their home and finally getting to experience their new family-hood back in their own space but it felt like saying an indefinite goodbye to close friends/extended family. From the updates I receive, it sounds like they have adjusted well to fatherhood and Ava has had quite the life already. She was Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz for her first Halloween, attends swim classes and will be going on her first vacation with her dads and grandmothers soon 😊💜
In the midst of all of this, I had stayed in contact with the surrogacy agency and had made it known that I wanted to pursue another journey. I started the process of having my medical records evaluated and waited a few weeks with a huge question mark over if I would be medically clear to go on with another journey.
At the beginning October, I finally received the official word.
As I had talked about in my previous post, I was induced about 3 weeks early due to the discovery that I had developed Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy (ICP). There isn't much known about ICP but the bigger risks mostly pertain to baby and can include consequences as dire as stillbirth. With ICP, there is about a 60% chance of recurrence in future pregnancies. I had met with my OB to get clearance and had sent my medical records to be reviewed by the agency as well as one of the fertility clinics they trust (the one we had been to for the transfer). They said they reviewed my case with not only the reproductive endocrinologist but a fertility board that they have through the clinic. I was told that they did not come haphazardly to the conclusion they did because they knew what was at stake in considering my case and due to ICP being somewhat uncommon.
One of the coordinators from IARC (the surrogacy agency) reached out to me early October to tell me that although they wished they had different news for me, I was not approved for another surrogacy journey.
My heart sank with this news.
It's hard to explain but this was more than just being pregnant for me. Surrogacy has changed me undoubtedly for the better. The honor of being able to carry for two awesome parents, meeting the family she would be welcomed in to and being a part of seeing DJ & JP become parents from the day they found out they were expecting to the moment their daughter came into this world is truly beyond words. It still brings tears of joy to me to look back on these moments. I am beyond grateful to have been a part of this experience and was SO looking forward to being able to carry again.
So to hear that I am now unfit to do so was a hard pill to swallow.
Having said that, I have come more to terms with this fact. I understand the fertility clinic's reasoning and although I don't like what it means for me, I agree with it 100%. Yes, there is a decent chance that things could be fine for another pregnancy. However, I don't want to know personally what it would feel like to carry a child and possibly find out that I have ICP again and it be too late, resulting in dire consequences for the hypothetical baby. As much as it hurts right now to know I can't be a surrogate again, I know I would be devastated to be responsible for something like that.
Mostly now, I just feel a sense of disappointment in my body that I've never really experienced before. This body has brought me through so many things in life and can take a lot so for it to suddenly just throw the ICP in at the end of an otherwise normal pregnancy was just a bit rude in my opinion. Don't get me wrong, I love my body and have no shame in what it physically looks like after having housed 2 babies. But if it could have juuuuust made it 3 more weeks...
But to wish that is futile and pointless.
And I don't have time for futile and pointless.
So, the last few months, I've been scheming at what my next "thing" will be. What can give me purpose and a sense that I'm truly leaving an impact on this world?
Well, I've (hopefully) found an answer.
I just heard back a couple weeks ago and will tentatively be volunteering as a rape crisis responder for my hometown.
Quite unrelated to surrogacy but something I feel equally passionate for. This realization came to me after an experience I had at work. I want to be on the front lines in being an advocate for those who have survived rape or domestic violence. Though it will be trying, I know I can serve this opportunity well and am looking forward to starting this volunteer work in early 2020. That on top of my current job, being a badass mom and keeping up with my social life should keep me busy and give me plenty of purpose in my life 😉
So as I end this post in only the awkward way I know how, I just want to say, again, how awesome of an experience this has been. I am constantly in awe that I have been able to be a part of the beginning of a beautiful family and I will always cherish the relationship with them that has come to be. They continue to send random pictures of her/them and those updates always brighten my days. As for surrogacy, I love answering any questions that come to people's minds about the process and my experience with it. I appreciate the time you all have taken to read up on my wordy views of surrogacy and my unforgettable experience throughout this journey. And I am humbled at the strong support I've received from my family and friends throughout this crazy journey. This is a smidge cliche but I am so blessed.
With that,
Peace out from this Unconventional Oven!

Saw this the night of the transfer and it's resonated a lot with me throughout this journey <3

And All at Once...

What a ride it has been since my last post. Looking back, I almost feel as though I took for granted just how smooth things were going and what was to come. Let me recap at the turn our journey took us on - fair warning, this will be a long one!
A few days after I posted my last update, about two Mondays ago now, I randomly became itchy. I didn't think much of it at first because my belly was growing and I figured the itching was mainly that. The day progressed and the itching got worse, mostly in the nooks of my body like my arm pits, behind my knees and then to my feet. I'm thankful to have retained some aspect of my OB experience from nursing school years ago to know this could be concerning. I didn't want to leap to conclusions so I decided to ask a friend of mine if she had experienced anything like this (I figured she would be a good resource because she is also a nurse and just had her 5th child - she would know for sure in one way or another). She responded by urging me to talk to my Dr. to get the itching checked out.
I notified the office Monday afternoon and was told to monitor baby's movements and the severity of the itching overnight and wait until the next day when I had a pre-existing check up scheduled and they would address the problem at that time. I made sure to let the guys know as unalarmingly as I could...I wanted to be sure I wasn't just being paranoid or something and causing unnecessary concern.
Fast forward to the appointment and they drew some labs that I was warned would take a couple days to result. Baby continued to be just fine and Dr. Salama advised me to again continue to monitor her movement and keep an eye on the itching. She told me I could have developed something called Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy (ICP). Basically, this can occur in the last trimester of pregnancy due to the rise in hormones, causing my body to slow down the flow of bile and causing said bile to build up in my system (hence the itching). She didn't say much beyond that but wanted to verify the lab levels before proceeding with anything.
The next couple days seemed to drag on. The itching seemed to stay the same, thankfully not getting worse but nothing seemed to calm it down. I was anxious to know the results of that blood work but was thankful that baby girl seemed unaffected by any of this - she was just as active as ever in there.
Thursday comes around and I'm about midway through my morning at work. We were done with staffing and morning rounds and I got to a point in my day I can usually sit and figure out some things on the computer. That's when I noticed I had a call from the clinic. I listened to the voicemail immediately and was a little chilled to hear that Dr. Salama had called directly - usually a nurse can relay an all clear kind of message. Shit. I went to the break room and called back to receive some surprising information. Dr. Salama said that my liver and bile levels came back elevated which confirmed the ICP diagnosis. Shit. She asked if baby and I were doing ok and I reported that things had remained as they were at the appointment - I'm still itchy but she was moving around normally, nothing more than a few Braxton Hicks contractions here and there. She then said that with ICP there a small chance of the risk of stillbirth. Shit. She said that although that chance is small, the risk is stillbirth and in turn, not one she was willing to risk. Agreed. She said because we were right at 37 weeks, baby was developed enough to induce rather than prescribe me a medication to coast me along to the final weeks of pregnancy. She informed me we would be starting the induction that night and asked if I had any questions. Of course, I had plenty but my head was spinning a little at the time so she got my word-vomity response that, I'm sure, made little to no sense at the time. I remembered asking her to clear things with the guys first and to let them know herself of what she had found. She assured me that things were still ok and that she would be contacting the guys ASAP to let them know of the change of plans.
I quickly called JP to let him know what I had just been told. As I'm trying to process the information, myself, I tried my hardest to keep my composure in relaying the information. I can't imagine getting that call out of nowhere about your baby's condition after things had been going so smoothly only to be told we need to change plans and change them now. All I remember from the phone call was me breathlessly telling him the info, that this was urgent but not emergent and that Salama wanted to proceed this way out of precaution for their little one. His responses were brief and I could hear the surprise in his voice as he processed the information himself. I just remember the building of urgency in his voice when he would respond to me saying "ok...Ok...OK". He later told me that he was in the middle of talking to one of the crew members who was remodeling his house about the water they had just shut off. I never said I had good timing at dropping important news 😬.
I then proceeded to sound every alarm I could on my end. I called Armin's dad to let him know he would be taking Armin earlier than anticipated (I had just gotten Armin back for my stretch of days with him the night before). I called my backup for Armin, his grandma on his dad's side, that I would, in fact, be needing her help with caring for him that evening. I called my parents to let them know what was going on and to see if they could pick the guys up from the airport when they arrived in town (of which, we still had no clue on as the guys were frantically changing their own plans). I told my manager I would be starting my leave a few weeks early after that day, I notified the other charge I was working with that I would be leaving after our afternoon staffing meeting to prepare for the induction and to spend a few final moments with my son before I went to the hospital to meet whatever fate was waiting there for us. That was when it hit me. I don't know what I'm going in to. And on top of that, I had to part ways earlier than anticipated with my son. Between the anxiety of the situation itself and the hormones, I got a little emotional in the midst of all this crazy change of events. I finally calmed down and proceeded to go about work as normally as I could.
I am thankful to have such awesome coworkers that they were able to free me up to leave hours before I had anticipated leaving early. I was so grateful to have that extra time to prepare (including the necessity of shaving my legs that somehow became terribly important to me at the time) and spending a very nice evening with mom and Armin before I had to go in to be induced at 7pm. Armin was beside himself with excitement that both grandma and I were there to pick him up from preschool (and early, too!) and we quickly grabbed food from his favorite place and had a picnic at the nearby park, per his request. It was more soothing to me than anything I think to spend those last few moments with him. I held back tears while telling him goodbye and showering his dad with thank yous for being so accommodating with the change of plans. And off mom and I went to the hospital.
I got checked in to the hospital where they were waiting for my room to get cleaned, apparently they were in the midst of a busy streak and had just freed up a room. I told them we weren't in any hurry and waited to get admitted. The guys had notified me a little before then that they wouldn't be arriving until about 11:30 that night. I vowed to keep their baby girl safe where she was until I saw their faces. They laughed and assured me they would hurry but to not do anything heroic. Little did we know, we still had plenty of time.
From then on, they gave me a medication to soften my cervix and told me to rest up. Between the contractions and my own anxiety, I was able to get very little rest until the guys arrived around 1 that morning. I was SO relieved to see them and know they would only be minutes away if not in the room from then on out. Once we greeted one another, caught each other up on how wild this day had become and assured one another things would be fine, they made their way back to their hotel to get some sleep and get settled and I was finally able to relax enough to get some sleep as well.
The next morning, they told me they would be starting me on Pitocin. Oh boy. I'd had pit with Armin and the contractions were miserable after they started that drip. But baby needed to come out so I knew this would be for the best. The drip started out pretty tolerable but my contractions got significantly worse throughout the day as the nurse increased the drip to coax baby A out. The guys peeked in and sat with me throughout the day while my mom almost never left my side. We went for a few walks around the unit, caught up some more and half paid attention to an HGTV marathon throughout the day. Finally, they decided to get the show rolling and broke my water that afternoon. Mission accomplished. Within a few minutes, the contractions got notably less tolerable and I was dilating more. After a couple of hours of progressing labor, I could finally tell she was about ready to come out. They sounded the alarms and the birthing crew of LPNs, RNs, Dr and a resident came at the ready.
And just like that, Ava made her appearance into this world at 10 on the nose that night weighing in at 6lb 2oz and looking beautiful in her small but strong glory. The guys were right at the bedside ready to hold their newborn daughter. It still brings tears to my eyes reliving that beautiful moment. I think we were all overwhelmed with love and emotion - I still cannot adequately describe how it felt to be a part of that moment and to witness these two wonderful people meeting, holding and loving on their daughter for the first time 💗 All the anxiety of the last 24+ hours melted away as we were assured that she was just fine.

Things progressed after that as I thought they would in terms of the after birth stuff. Then my nurse started noticing some concerning things as I became more and more tired among other things. At first I thought I was just exhausted from having gone through labor but then I started shaking uncontrollably and had a very difficult time staying awake. After a few medications and an ultrasound, they found that I had retained some of the placenta and was bleeding more than what I should be. I remember just feeling irritated that I couldn't stay awake to be present in the moment and that I had consequently made my nurse focus more on my needs than Ava's. They informed me that I would need to be put under for a D&C to get the rest of the placenta out and curb the bleeding.
I'd never had any kind of surgery beyond getting my wisdom teeth out so I was a bit nervous about being put under and knowing what all they would be doing/giving me. I have dealt with these things with my own patients but never have myself. Regardless, we went ahead with the procedure.
After all was said and done, I don't think we got settled into the post partum room until about 2 that morning. Due to the crazy amount of people having babies that weekend, the guys, Ava and I shared a room for that day. I think we were all in a daze recovering from the events of the previous day and them falling in to their roles as fathers. We were all released the next day with clean bills of health.
In the few days that have followed, I feel like I've had the chance to recover for the most part and catch up on some quality time with Armin. The guys will still be here for another couple weeks to get Ava's birth certificate and legal concerns settled as well as to await the completion of their remodel so they don't have to take their newborn daughter back to a house that will likely be noisy and a little disheveled from construction. As we've been able to, we've spent more time together during their time in Sioux Falls and its been truly heartwarming to be able to get this time with them. I know they are understandably quite anxious to get back to San Francisco and continue on to their new normal back home so I'm cherishing the time we have been able to spend together and enjoying watching them care for and love this little girl so purely and wholeheartedly. I cannot say this enough, this has all been such a beautiful and wonderful experience that I'm humbled, honored and blessed to have been a part of. I cannot wait to see how this family grows with one another 💞

Mo' Belly, No Problems

Hello!
As always, I have had a few things to update on here, surrogacy related and otherwise. I'm having trouble trying to eloquently preface this post (thank you, baby brain 😅) So I'll just go ahead and dive right in.
About a month ago, over Father's Day weekend, the guys were gracious enough to invite us out to their neck of the woods for their baby shower. I cannot adequately describe how wonderful of an experience that was. Personally, I tend to get hung up on how good of a first impression I tend to make on people. I see myself as a normal-ish but awkward person so I was honestly a little nervous knowing we were going to be meeting so many new people at such an important get-together. On top of that, I was about 32 weeks along and a little nervous at how flying would affect my little belly buddy's desire to stay where she's at.
Thankfully, my concerns quickly became non-issues. It was wonderful to get to see the guys again and beyond heartwarming to meet the family/friends that love and support both these two new dads I've grown a friendship with as well as the little girl they are expecting 💗. The joy, warmth and love we saw and were shown from everyone was beyond words. The weekend flew by and both mom and I went home a smidge tired but with our hearts darn near full.

As far as the pregnancy goes since I last updated this, things continue to go quite smoothly. Baby girl had a few more ultrasounds to ensure she was growing well and healthy and she continues to pass through each check up with assurance of little concern for any foreseeable issues once she makes her arrival. I'm currently on the brink of 36 weeks and am feeling quite pregnant now. Between the heat, my size and being the mother I need to be for my wild child, I'm generally just plain tired. Any other symptoms have been fairly minimal except for the heartburn which I've gotten a little creative at curbing. All-in-all, I feel pretty dang lucky at how smooth everything continues to go.

I never really realized until this afternoon, but as of today, I am officially one year from having officially started my journey as a surrogate. I remember finally putting my doubts away on how I was questioning if I would even qualify to be a surrogate and taking the plunge, never thinking I would be where I am now a year later. Never once have I felt like I shouldn't have made this decision and I am grateful that I have the health that I do to be able to do this. Surrogacy has brought more love into my heart than I had ever anticipated and I'm beginning to see the impact it is having on my son as well. I get questions from people about how he is "handling" it and its safe to say he has a solid understanding of what is going on. He politely corrects unknowing people when they refer to Baby A as his little sister or anything along those lines. He will tell me every once in a while that there is a baby in his tummy as well and that he is keeping it safe for his friend. I've started to mention, too, that the guys will be here shortly to await the arrival of their little one and he will gush to me about how excited he is to see them. Armin was one of my biggest concerns about going into this experience so I am relieved to see how he has come to understand this process as much as a 4 year old can.

Looking forward, we have roughly 4 weeks until this little girl is expected to arrive. 

How. In. Theee. Hell. Has that happened??

DJ & JP will be making their way to the midwest in a couple weeks to be on "baby watch". Though she's shown no signs of wanting to make an early escape, I will be able to breathe much easier (figuratively, maybe not actually so much with the belly 😉) once I know they will be close enough to be present for her birth. From there on out it will be waiting for B-day! As always, keep your fingers crossed for more smooth sailing for all of us!

Living That Surro Life

It's crazy how much and how little has gone by in the month and a half-ish since my last post. I've unintentionally let more time pass by than I would have liked since my last post but things have been fairly busy (as always).

All in all, things have been going very well. About a month ago, the guys were able to make it over to Sioux Falls to see their 20 week ultrasound. This was an absolutely wonderful experience all-around 😊. They were finally able to see first-hand their little girl moving around (and trying to hide). I'm not a terribly sappy person so I apologize in advance, but my heart just swells with happiness seeing their reactions to their baby girl. I can't say this enough but I am beyond excited for them to be able to meet their little one in a few months 💞

During this appointment, we found out that everything was still developing well and she had a healthy little heartbeat as well. She started getting a little shy during the ultrasound and had her hands in front of her face and even started making a motion that looked like she was sucking her thumb. The guys were able to leave the appointment with a small accordion of ultrasound pictures as well as some videos of her moving/her heart beat.

Later that day, we met up again for dinner and they were able to meet my dad and Armin for the first time. My dad, not surprisingly, hit it off quite well with them and I believe they described him as a "riot" with his typical off-beat sense of humor and random stories. I was thrilled (and also not surprised) that Armin got along well with them as well. We were at dinner for a few hours and he was absolutely wonderful through it all and I think him being able to meet the guys in person kind of closed the circle on his curiosity about the baby. I can tell with their interactions with him that they will make phenomenal dads (not that I ever questioned that). It was so nice to catch up with them in person and made me a bit wishy washy (thank you hormones) for them to meet and hit it off with more of my family, particularly Armin.

Since the 20 week ultrasound, we've had one more routine Dr. visit as well as a fetal echocardiogram. Because there is a little more risk involved with IVF pregnancies, we were told this was a routine thing that is done with an IVF pregnancy. This scan basically just focuses on the structure and pumping ability of the heart. Thankfully, I was able to FaceTime the guys during this (typically, Dr. Salama's office has been the only area accepting of FaceTiming during the appointments) and they were once again able to see their little one. I think she even got the hiccups a bit during the ultrasound which was kind of cute to see. As has been the case with everything else, baby girl made it through the echo with a clean bill of health and no concerns from the doctor!

So now here we are, about half way through week 25 and things have been going quite well. Honestly, this has been SUCH a smooth pregnancy. The only symptoms I've had lately are some pretty decent heartburn if I eat too much at once and a fairly early bedtime because I've noticed I tire a little more quickly than normal. I've been lucky to still keep up my running, though my distances have been cut much shorter than normal and my pace has slowed quite a bit which is all A-OK with me. I feel good when I run still but am definitely more cautious with what I feel during my runs to make sure I don't over-do it. I also remember with Armin having periods where he wasn't moving around quite so much which would make me nervous. With this girl, not so much. She is constantly rolling and stretching and sometimes kicking. Yes, she does have down time but for the most part, she is quite a little ball of energy. I've noticed her getting the hiccups every now and then too. She will be one to keep up with for sure!

I've also gotten to the size that people start asking about the baby. Though I am far from ashamed or wanting to hide the fact that I am a proud surrogate for two wonderful dads, I don't feel like explaining the intricacies of this pregnancy with every stranger/patient/well-meaning individual I encounter. That makes for a pretty heavy ice-breaker in my opinion. Typically, people just start out by asking if this is my first (to which I reply that I have a 4 year old of my own) or ask when she is due (much easier to touch on lightly without going into extensive detail 😉). And then there are some times when the conversation simply steers that way anyway and there's no real way to explain this pregnancy without explaining the surrogacy. I have been delighted by mostly positive reactions to essential strangers finding out that I am a surrogate, but still haven't found a non-awkward way to accept the accolades I typically get from people. I'm not doing this for any kind of recognition or sprucing up of my karma - I simply want to give DJ & JP a start to their family and the indescribable experience of being a parent that I cherish myself with being Armin's mother.

Although I do get a majority of positive responses, I have encountered certain questions that make me kind of double take a bit. Some people will ask, almost immediately, how much I'm getting paid to do this. Again, although that is a part of many surrogacy journeys, that is not why I'm doing this. I've also had people ask how I can "give up" the baby once she is born. That is also not what I'm doing. This little girl is 100% her fathers' baby. I usually explain this to others as extreme babysitting. I care about this little girl, look after my own health for the sake of hers and treat this pregnancy as I did with my own child, but in the end she will be with her dads, just as a child care giver would look after a child for the day and send them home with their parents. I sometimes get judging looks with this response but the vast majority of people are accepting and seem to understand. I truly am impressed at how far society has gotten with accepting differences but it also makes me realize how far at least my community has yet to go before this would be less of an oddity.

As per usual, I feel like I've rambled a bit 😅

I'm sure as these last few months start closing in and baby A's arrival gets closer, I will have much more to say. I can't believe we've already gotten to 25 weeks! I know the guys feel the same way (maybe with a little more anxiety preparing for this active little girl). Looking forward to seeing what the rest of this journey has in store for us!

<3

(A bump picture I sent to the guys - Armin had to peep in to say "hi" to them 😊)

Catching Up

Hello!
So, it's been a bit. And a lot has happened in the past 3ish months. I've been keeping offline with anything about the surrogacy because I wanted to respect DJ and JP by letting them spread their news firsthand 😊. And to be honest, life has been at a pretty constant pace lately. But let's catch things up a bit.
So we had a smooth transfer at the end of November. After the transfer, there's a two week wait until the surrogate is to take a blood test to confirm a pregnancy (or lack thereof).
I cannot tell you how much I questioned every little sign my body may have given me during those two weeks. I was feeling a little more tired than usual. Could it be a pregnancy symptom? Or maybe its the changing of the seasons. Or maybe I'm just always tired and cutting down on caffeine is making it more prominent. I felt more bloated as well and intermittent spats of mild nausea (aka, I just didn't feel like eating for a few unusual hours some days 😉). Maybe I really was pregnant...or maybe it was just the meds.
The guys agreed that they wanted me to take an at home test before the blood test so roughly a week after the transfer, I took a test and low and behold, two little pink lines! However, the at home tests aren't as accurate as the blood test so we cautiously welcomed those pink lines until the results of the blood test could be concluded a week later.
And what a relief, the first blood test confirmed a pregnancy and the second one had increased promisingly! They were officially expecting fathers!!
Once the tests were confirmed, we then moved on to the first of three weekly ultrasounds at weeks 7, 8 and 9 of pregnancy. I was never really told why they need to do those three consecutive ultrasounds other than to confirm the pregnancy in the most concrete way possible and to ensure healthy growth.
I went in to the first ultrasound cautiously optimistic. The blood tests had looked good, things were seeming well/normal and I was positive the ultrasound would show two little ones.
To my surprise, the ultrasound tech almost immediately chimed "Well, there's one little baby in there!". This was great news but I was not expecting to hear of one. She checked baby's measurements and everything was looking just fine. A healthy baby safely growing.
For certain reasons, I was not allowed to FaceTime the guys during this or any of the two other weekly ultrasounds. I now had to let the guys know how the ultrasound went. I had quite a mix of emotions. I was excited for them to know that their baby was looking just fine and growing right on track. Thank goodness for a healthy baby. However, I knew how hopeful they had been to have both embryos take. They chose to transfer two for a reason and I now had to break it to them that one embryo had not stayed.
I got on the phone with JP and told him the news. I could hear the mix of emotions in his voice and I felt both elated and somber for them. Again, I think the ultrasound came as more of a surprise than anything.
Despite not being able to FaceTime the guys during the remaining two ultrasounds, I was able to send them pictures and videos of baby's heartbeat. The next two ultrasounds went smoothly and baby was continuing to grow right on course 😊. After these ultrasounds, I was deemed a "graduate" from San Diego Fertility Center and was then released to start seeing my local OB.
One week later, I went in to see Dr. Salama, the OB, for the first time. This would be the first time she would see me as a patient and as such, she wanted to do another ultrasound to see things for herself. Thankfully, Dr. Salama and her practice have been more than accommodating with letting me FaceTime/call the guys during the appointments so far. This is such a relief because I want nothing more than to have them experience as much of this as possible and overall Dr. Salama and the staff at her clinic have been more than supportive, understanding and accepting of the unusual circumstances that come with a surrogate pregnancy.
I digress a little.
So during this first ultrasound, I was able to FaceTime with DJ and have him see their baby in real time. I cannot put into words how it felt to see his reaction to seeing their baby and hearing baby's heartbeat. I blame the hormones, but I got a little teary. I'm sure that's something I will only continue saying as we progress through this experience. This is absolutely why I chose to do this. I know how it felt to see Armin for the first time and to know that little life was growing well and it's just as great of a feeling to see a wonderful family grow and experience those same things 💗.
Baby was still looking just as healthy and even moving around now! How amazing it is to see how much changes in just a matter of a week!
Next, I got to stop my meds at the end of February.
In the grand scheme of things, the meds really weren't that big of a deal but I sure as heck wasn't complaining at not having a nightly progesterone shot to look forward to. I promptly celebrated by indulging in my cravings of tacos and cheese balls for lunch/dinner 😆.
A couple weeks later, they had some routine 12 week genetic screening tests which consisted of some bloodwork and another ultrasound. JP and DJ had already had genetic tests done on the embryos and knew they had transferred a boy and girl of healthy genetics. However, these 12 week tests were to rule out nuccal cord defects that aren't necessarily caused by genetics. Baby was quite active again on the ultrasound and thankfully, all went well with those tests as well. One of the blood draws was also a kind of test that could determine the gender of the baby. Within a week, the guys found out they would be expecting a little girl!
I believe that is about it in terms of catching things up to speed. We are now 15 weeks along and counting! The bloating has given way to a little bump now and I'm feeling just fine. Hopefully this is a good sign for a smooth pregnancy and a healthy little girl to add to their family!
More to come as more comes along 😊 Thank you for reading!

Surprise!

More big news has come since my last post.

Last time I had posted anything, we were awaiting the results of the next weekly ultrasound and blood work. To say I was a little tense during the ultrasound and blood work would be an understatement. I felt good things about it but I wasn't sure if that was my perpetual optimism or a legitimate sign.

Turns out, my body is loving the heck out of these hormones because I was deemed ready to roll with a transfer a week early. I couldn't believe it reading that email from the fertility center. We made it to another point in this whole process!

Both SDFC as well as IARC have been absolutely wonderful throughout this whole process. Kayla, our IARC coordinator, was able to nail down an itinerary within hours of getting the "OK" and SDFC was very willing to work with the guys and myself to hammer out a time that would work for our travel schedules (I apologize for the hammer and nailing phrases, I'm currently stuck in the middle of an HGTV binge 😉.

With all of that coordinated, I was given directions to start more medications. Along with the prenatal vitamins, folic acid, baby aspirin and estrogen I've been taking daily, I began taking progesterone in oil shots the day after Thanksgiving.

This is the most ridiculous thing, with me being a nurse and having piercings, but I am very much leery of needles. Give me a shot to give to a patient and I can handle it, no problem. The thought of having to do this to myself? Inner pep talks galore.

Thankfully, I haven't had to do any of these shots myself yet which makes the whole requirement SO much more doable. I just feel like I've been doing squats like a mother for the past week. Definitely can handle it.

A few days down the road and here we are in the very temperate San Diego! 

The guys, my mom and I all flew in to the area yesterday and we were able to all meet for the first time in person. This was such a relief after having communicated primarily through texts and emails for the past month and a half! We had a very nice dinner together at a roof top restaurant by the ocean and were able to break the ice a little more naturally than our initial "What are your feelings on (insert terrible thing happening here)" getting to know you call during our matching phone call.

That leaves us with today - transfer day.

I can honestly say, I've never gotten (potentially) pregnant by two different men with 7 people in the room, one being my mother.

Cross that one off of my bucket list 😏.

The whole process was pretty cool and very (understandably) thorough.

They had thawed the embryos and showed pictures of before and after the thaw. Both looking healthy. They then verified with paperwork and verbally the number of embryos they were transferring. The embryologist also had to verify "these are the embryos of intended parents, DJ and JP to be transferred to Ilsa". I will admit, it caught my attention to hear her say that - we're doing this!

When all was said and done, Dr. D said everything looked great. I will have a blood draw in two weeks to confirm if I am pregnant but will still have to wait a few weeks more to confirm if both babies have decided to hang out in there for a while. We have made it to the big day and the rest is wait, wait, wait.

We said our goodbyes at the clinic as the guys had to book it to another clinic to get DJ's eye checked out before their flight home. He unfortunately took a quick and unexpected trip down their stairs at home the night before they flew out after tripping over one of their pugs. I hear that's good luck on transfer days, right?

So I have been instructed to take it pretty easy today and will head back home tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for a successful transfer!

One Step...Diagonally?

Some more news that has come of this week...and here I thought we were going to have a few weeks of hum drum news in regards to the surrogacy.

First, the Camp Fire. I heard of this happening last Saturday morning. All I knew at that time was that there was a fire out in California that had started quickly and had (at that point) already claimed 6 lives. Not only do I have family out in California, but this is also where JP and DJ live. Que small panic. After researching some more, I found that the fire was in the immediate area of my cousin, Mary, and over 100 miles from where the guys live. Upon further updates, we found out my cousin was/is safe. I had also confirmed with the guys that they were ok, though air quality is quite poor there. From what I have heard last, the fire is still only 55% contained and has claimed over 50 lives. I cannot fathom what the families of those 56 people are going through. Despite how much we plan and look ahead in life, that can all easily be changed in a matter of a day, let alone a few seconds. My heart goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy. 

I am beyond thankful that those I know in the area are doing ok, despite the circumstances.

And now I'm realizing there's no smooth way to transition from that subject to that of surrogacy...

This is why I'm an awkward person.

This Wednesday was the start of our "cycle" to lead up to the hopeful transfer day. No big deal, right?

To start off the cycle, they need to get my "baseline" (I thoroughly apologize for the excessive use of quotes...my post-journalism self is getting increasingly annoyed with this). I guess, to rewind a little, my cycle technically started about 2 weeks ago now? I initially start by going on my birth control - kind of crazy, huh? The end goal is that I can help these two have two healthy babies but I have to take birth control. The reason behind that is to have better control of the timing of my cycle. After being on the birth control for about 10 days, I go off of it for about 3 days and then go in to have my baseline estrogen and progesterone levels checked as well as get an ultrasound to check out the lining of my uterus.

No one ever said this was glamorous 😉.

My local clinic then sends the results to SDFC and to my IARC coordinator. Once SDFC has a chance to look at things, they send a message saying (hopefully) all looks well and I can go ahead and start the oral estrogen pills. Which is exactly what happened...and then some. Apparently, while I was on the birth control, my body "grew" an egg (one matured maybe?). Being a cardiac nurse, this fact flew over my head until the fertility center clarified. My body can either allow this egg to just chill and not do it's thing about it and we can go ahead with the transfer (and from my interpretation, a week earlier?). If my body decides to ovulate the egg, all bets are off for this cycle and we will abandon ship until we can start again with my next cycle.

Can I just highlight the fact, this is completely up to science and absolutely out of our hands?

So here we are, another week into this and another step kind of forward. I'm very much hoping we can move forward. As much as I would love to be able to take matters into my own hands, I know this is up to fate (or chance/science/Mother Nature...whoever is in charge here).

To be continued this Tuesday!