Mo' Belly, No Problems

Hello!
As always, I have had a few things to update on here, surrogacy related and otherwise. I'm having trouble trying to eloquently preface this post (thank you, baby brain 😅) So I'll just go ahead and dive right in.
About a month ago, over Father's Day weekend, the guys were gracious enough to invite us out to their neck of the woods for their baby shower. I cannot adequately describe how wonderful of an experience that was. Personally, I tend to get hung up on how good of a first impression I tend to make on people. I see myself as a normal-ish but awkward person so I was honestly a little nervous knowing we were going to be meeting so many new people at such an important get-together. On top of that, I was about 32 weeks along and a little nervous at how flying would affect my little belly buddy's desire to stay where she's at.
Thankfully, my concerns quickly became non-issues. It was wonderful to get to see the guys again and beyond heartwarming to meet the family/friends that love and support both these two new dads I've grown a friendship with as well as the little girl they are expecting 💗. The joy, warmth and love we saw and were shown from everyone was beyond words. The weekend flew by and both mom and I went home a smidge tired but with our hearts darn near full.

As far as the pregnancy goes since I last updated this, things continue to go quite smoothly. Baby girl had a few more ultrasounds to ensure she was growing well and healthy and she continues to pass through each check up with assurance of little concern for any foreseeable issues once she makes her arrival. I'm currently on the brink of 36 weeks and am feeling quite pregnant now. Between the heat, my size and being the mother I need to be for my wild child, I'm generally just plain tired. Any other symptoms have been fairly minimal except for the heartburn which I've gotten a little creative at curbing. All-in-all, I feel pretty dang lucky at how smooth everything continues to go.

I never really realized until this afternoon, but as of today, I am officially one year from having officially started my journey as a surrogate. I remember finally putting my doubts away on how I was questioning if I would even qualify to be a surrogate and taking the plunge, never thinking I would be where I am now a year later. Never once have I felt like I shouldn't have made this decision and I am grateful that I have the health that I do to be able to do this. Surrogacy has brought more love into my heart than I had ever anticipated and I'm beginning to see the impact it is having on my son as well. I get questions from people about how he is "handling" it and its safe to say he has a solid understanding of what is going on. He politely corrects unknowing people when they refer to Baby A as his little sister or anything along those lines. He will tell me every once in a while that there is a baby in his tummy as well and that he is keeping it safe for his friend. I've started to mention, too, that the guys will be here shortly to await the arrival of their little one and he will gush to me about how excited he is to see them. Armin was one of my biggest concerns about going into this experience so I am relieved to see how he has come to understand this process as much as a 4 year old can.

Looking forward, we have roughly 4 weeks until this little girl is expected to arrive. 

How. In. Theee. Hell. Has that happened??

DJ & JP will be making their way to the midwest in a couple weeks to be on "baby watch". Though she's shown no signs of wanting to make an early escape, I will be able to breathe much easier (figuratively, maybe not actually so much with the belly 😉) once I know they will be close enough to be present for her birth. From there on out it will be waiting for B-day! As always, keep your fingers crossed for more smooth sailing for all of us!

Living That Surro Life

It's crazy how much and how little has gone by in the month and a half-ish since my last post. I've unintentionally let more time pass by than I would have liked since my last post but things have been fairly busy (as always).

All in all, things have been going very well. About a month ago, the guys were able to make it over to Sioux Falls to see their 20 week ultrasound. This was an absolutely wonderful experience all-around 😊. They were finally able to see first-hand their little girl moving around (and trying to hide). I'm not a terribly sappy person so I apologize in advance, but my heart just swells with happiness seeing their reactions to their baby girl. I can't say this enough but I am beyond excited for them to be able to meet their little one in a few months 💞

During this appointment, we found out that everything was still developing well and she had a healthy little heartbeat as well. She started getting a little shy during the ultrasound and had her hands in front of her face and even started making a motion that looked like she was sucking her thumb. The guys were able to leave the appointment with a small accordion of ultrasound pictures as well as some videos of her moving/her heart beat.

Later that day, we met up again for dinner and they were able to meet my dad and Armin for the first time. My dad, not surprisingly, hit it off quite well with them and I believe they described him as a "riot" with his typical off-beat sense of humor and random stories. I was thrilled (and also not surprised) that Armin got along well with them as well. We were at dinner for a few hours and he was absolutely wonderful through it all and I think him being able to meet the guys in person kind of closed the circle on his curiosity about the baby. I can tell with their interactions with him that they will make phenomenal dads (not that I ever questioned that). It was so nice to catch up with them in person and made me a bit wishy washy (thank you hormones) for them to meet and hit it off with more of my family, particularly Armin.

Since the 20 week ultrasound, we've had one more routine Dr. visit as well as a fetal echocardiogram. Because there is a little more risk involved with IVF pregnancies, we were told this was a routine thing that is done with an IVF pregnancy. This scan basically just focuses on the structure and pumping ability of the heart. Thankfully, I was able to FaceTime the guys during this (typically, Dr. Salama's office has been the only area accepting of FaceTiming during the appointments) and they were once again able to see their little one. I think she even got the hiccups a bit during the ultrasound which was kind of cute to see. As has been the case with everything else, baby girl made it through the echo with a clean bill of health and no concerns from the doctor!

So now here we are, about half way through week 25 and things have been going quite well. Honestly, this has been SUCH a smooth pregnancy. The only symptoms I've had lately are some pretty decent heartburn if I eat too much at once and a fairly early bedtime because I've noticed I tire a little more quickly than normal. I've been lucky to still keep up my running, though my distances have been cut much shorter than normal and my pace has slowed quite a bit which is all A-OK with me. I feel good when I run still but am definitely more cautious with what I feel during my runs to make sure I don't over-do it. I also remember with Armin having periods where he wasn't moving around quite so much which would make me nervous. With this girl, not so much. She is constantly rolling and stretching and sometimes kicking. Yes, she does have down time but for the most part, she is quite a little ball of energy. I've noticed her getting the hiccups every now and then too. She will be one to keep up with for sure!

I've also gotten to the size that people start asking about the baby. Though I am far from ashamed or wanting to hide the fact that I am a proud surrogate for two wonderful dads, I don't feel like explaining the intricacies of this pregnancy with every stranger/patient/well-meaning individual I encounter. That makes for a pretty heavy ice-breaker in my opinion. Typically, people just start out by asking if this is my first (to which I reply that I have a 4 year old of my own) or ask when she is due (much easier to touch on lightly without going into extensive detail 😉). And then there are some times when the conversation simply steers that way anyway and there's no real way to explain this pregnancy without explaining the surrogacy. I have been delighted by mostly positive reactions to essential strangers finding out that I am a surrogate, but still haven't found a non-awkward way to accept the accolades I typically get from people. I'm not doing this for any kind of recognition or sprucing up of my karma - I simply want to give DJ & JP a start to their family and the indescribable experience of being a parent that I cherish myself with being Armin's mother.

Although I do get a majority of positive responses, I have encountered certain questions that make me kind of double take a bit. Some people will ask, almost immediately, how much I'm getting paid to do this. Again, although that is a part of many surrogacy journeys, that is not why I'm doing this. I've also had people ask how I can "give up" the baby once she is born. That is also not what I'm doing. This little girl is 100% her fathers' baby. I usually explain this to others as extreme babysitting. I care about this little girl, look after my own health for the sake of hers and treat this pregnancy as I did with my own child, but in the end she will be with her dads, just as a child care giver would look after a child for the day and send them home with their parents. I sometimes get judging looks with this response but the vast majority of people are accepting and seem to understand. I truly am impressed at how far society has gotten with accepting differences but it also makes me realize how far at least my community has yet to go before this would be less of an oddity.

As per usual, I feel like I've rambled a bit 😅

I'm sure as these last few months start closing in and baby A's arrival gets closer, I will have much more to say. I can't believe we've already gotten to 25 weeks! I know the guys feel the same way (maybe with a little more anxiety preparing for this active little girl). Looking forward to seeing what the rest of this journey has in store for us!

<3

(A bump picture I sent to the guys - Armin had to peep in to say "hi" to them 😊)

Catching Up

Hello!
So, it's been a bit. And a lot has happened in the past 3ish months. I've been keeping offline with anything about the surrogacy because I wanted to respect DJ and JP by letting them spread their news firsthand 😊. And to be honest, life has been at a pretty constant pace lately. But let's catch things up a bit.
So we had a smooth transfer at the end of November. After the transfer, there's a two week wait until the surrogate is to take a blood test to confirm a pregnancy (or lack thereof).
I cannot tell you how much I questioned every little sign my body may have given me during those two weeks. I was feeling a little more tired than usual. Could it be a pregnancy symptom? Or maybe its the changing of the seasons. Or maybe I'm just always tired and cutting down on caffeine is making it more prominent. I felt more bloated as well and intermittent spats of mild nausea (aka, I just didn't feel like eating for a few unusual hours some days 😉). Maybe I really was pregnant...or maybe it was just the meds.
The guys agreed that they wanted me to take an at home test before the blood test so roughly a week after the transfer, I took a test and low and behold, two little pink lines! However, the at home tests aren't as accurate as the blood test so we cautiously welcomed those pink lines until the results of the blood test could be concluded a week later.
And what a relief, the first blood test confirmed a pregnancy and the second one had increased promisingly! They were officially expecting fathers!!
Once the tests were confirmed, we then moved on to the first of three weekly ultrasounds at weeks 7, 8 and 9 of pregnancy. I was never really told why they need to do those three consecutive ultrasounds other than to confirm the pregnancy in the most concrete way possible and to ensure healthy growth.
I went in to the first ultrasound cautiously optimistic. The blood tests had looked good, things were seeming well/normal and I was positive the ultrasound would show two little ones.
To my surprise, the ultrasound tech almost immediately chimed "Well, there's one little baby in there!". This was great news but I was not expecting to hear of one. She checked baby's measurements and everything was looking just fine. A healthy baby safely growing.
For certain reasons, I was not allowed to FaceTime the guys during this or any of the two other weekly ultrasounds. I now had to let the guys know how the ultrasound went. I had quite a mix of emotions. I was excited for them to know that their baby was looking just fine and growing right on track. Thank goodness for a healthy baby. However, I knew how hopeful they had been to have both embryos take. They chose to transfer two for a reason and I now had to break it to them that one embryo had not stayed.
I got on the phone with JP and told him the news. I could hear the mix of emotions in his voice and I felt both elated and somber for them. Again, I think the ultrasound came as more of a surprise than anything.
Despite not being able to FaceTime the guys during the remaining two ultrasounds, I was able to send them pictures and videos of baby's heartbeat. The next two ultrasounds went smoothly and baby was continuing to grow right on course 😊. After these ultrasounds, I was deemed a "graduate" from San Diego Fertility Center and was then released to start seeing my local OB.
One week later, I went in to see Dr. Salama, the OB, for the first time. This would be the first time she would see me as a patient and as such, she wanted to do another ultrasound to see things for herself. Thankfully, Dr. Salama and her practice have been more than accommodating with letting me FaceTime/call the guys during the appointments so far. This is such a relief because I want nothing more than to have them experience as much of this as possible and overall Dr. Salama and the staff at her clinic have been more than supportive, understanding and accepting of the unusual circumstances that come with a surrogate pregnancy.
I digress a little.
So during this first ultrasound, I was able to FaceTime with DJ and have him see their baby in real time. I cannot put into words how it felt to see his reaction to seeing their baby and hearing baby's heartbeat. I blame the hormones, but I got a little teary. I'm sure that's something I will only continue saying as we progress through this experience. This is absolutely why I chose to do this. I know how it felt to see Armin for the first time and to know that little life was growing well and it's just as great of a feeling to see a wonderful family grow and experience those same things 💗.
Baby was still looking just as healthy and even moving around now! How amazing it is to see how much changes in just a matter of a week!
Next, I got to stop my meds at the end of February.
In the grand scheme of things, the meds really weren't that big of a deal but I sure as heck wasn't complaining at not having a nightly progesterone shot to look forward to. I promptly celebrated by indulging in my cravings of tacos and cheese balls for lunch/dinner 😆.
A couple weeks later, they had some routine 12 week genetic screening tests which consisted of some bloodwork and another ultrasound. JP and DJ had already had genetic tests done on the embryos and knew they had transferred a boy and girl of healthy genetics. However, these 12 week tests were to rule out nuccal cord defects that aren't necessarily caused by genetics. Baby was quite active again on the ultrasound and thankfully, all went well with those tests as well. One of the blood draws was also a kind of test that could determine the gender of the baby. Within a week, the guys found out they would be expecting a little girl!
I believe that is about it in terms of catching things up to speed. We are now 15 weeks along and counting! The bloating has given way to a little bump now and I'm feeling just fine. Hopefully this is a good sign for a smooth pregnancy and a healthy little girl to add to their family!
More to come as more comes along 😊 Thank you for reading!

Surprise!

More big news has come since my last post.

Last time I had posted anything, we were awaiting the results of the next weekly ultrasound and blood work. To say I was a little tense during the ultrasound and blood work would be an understatement. I felt good things about it but I wasn't sure if that was my perpetual optimism or a legitimate sign.

Turns out, my body is loving the heck out of these hormones because I was deemed ready to roll with a transfer a week early. I couldn't believe it reading that email from the fertility center. We made it to another point in this whole process!

Both SDFC as well as IARC have been absolutely wonderful throughout this whole process. Kayla, our IARC coordinator, was able to nail down an itinerary within hours of getting the "OK" and SDFC was very willing to work with the guys and myself to hammer out a time that would work for our travel schedules (I apologize for the hammer and nailing phrases, I'm currently stuck in the middle of an HGTV binge 😉.

With all of that coordinated, I was given directions to start more medications. Along with the prenatal vitamins, folic acid, baby aspirin and estrogen I've been taking daily, I began taking progesterone in oil shots the day after Thanksgiving.

This is the most ridiculous thing, with me being a nurse and having piercings, but I am very much leery of needles. Give me a shot to give to a patient and I can handle it, no problem. The thought of having to do this to myself? Inner pep talks galore.

Thankfully, I haven't had to do any of these shots myself yet which makes the whole requirement SO much more doable. I just feel like I've been doing squats like a mother for the past week. Definitely can handle it.

A few days down the road and here we are in the very temperate San Diego! 

The guys, my mom and I all flew in to the area yesterday and we were able to all meet for the first time in person. This was such a relief after having communicated primarily through texts and emails for the past month and a half! We had a very nice dinner together at a roof top restaurant by the ocean and were able to break the ice a little more naturally than our initial "What are your feelings on (insert terrible thing happening here)" getting to know you call during our matching phone call.

That leaves us with today - transfer day.

I can honestly say, I've never gotten (potentially) pregnant by two different men with 7 people in the room, one being my mother.

Cross that one off of my bucket list 😏.

The whole process was pretty cool and very (understandably) thorough.

They had thawed the embryos and showed pictures of before and after the thaw. Both looking healthy. They then verified with paperwork and verbally the number of embryos they were transferring. The embryologist also had to verify "these are the embryos of intended parents, DJ and JP to be transferred to Ilsa". I will admit, it caught my attention to hear her say that - we're doing this!

When all was said and done, Dr. D said everything looked great. I will have a blood draw in two weeks to confirm if I am pregnant but will still have to wait a few weeks more to confirm if both babies have decided to hang out in there for a while. We have made it to the big day and the rest is wait, wait, wait.

We said our goodbyes at the clinic as the guys had to book it to another clinic to get DJ's eye checked out before their flight home. He unfortunately took a quick and unexpected trip down their stairs at home the night before they flew out after tripping over one of their pugs. I hear that's good luck on transfer days, right?

So I have been instructed to take it pretty easy today and will head back home tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for a successful transfer!

One Step...Diagonally?

Some more news that has come of this week...and here I thought we were going to have a few weeks of hum drum news in regards to the surrogacy.

First, the Camp Fire. I heard of this happening last Saturday morning. All I knew at that time was that there was a fire out in California that had started quickly and had (at that point) already claimed 6 lives. Not only do I have family out in California, but this is also where JP and DJ live. Que small panic. After researching some more, I found that the fire was in the immediate area of my cousin, Mary, and over 100 miles from where the guys live. Upon further updates, we found out my cousin was/is safe. I had also confirmed with the guys that they were ok, though air quality is quite poor there. From what I have heard last, the fire is still only 55% contained and has claimed over 50 lives. I cannot fathom what the families of those 56 people are going through. Despite how much we plan and look ahead in life, that can all easily be changed in a matter of a day, let alone a few seconds. My heart goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy. 

I am beyond thankful that those I know in the area are doing ok, despite the circumstances.

And now I'm realizing there's no smooth way to transition from that subject to that of surrogacy...

This is why I'm an awkward person.

This Wednesday was the start of our "cycle" to lead up to the hopeful transfer day. No big deal, right?

To start off the cycle, they need to get my "baseline" (I thoroughly apologize for the excessive use of quotes...my post-journalism self is getting increasingly annoyed with this). I guess, to rewind a little, my cycle technically started about 2 weeks ago now? I initially start by going on my birth control - kind of crazy, huh? The end goal is that I can help these two have two healthy babies but I have to take birth control. The reason behind that is to have better control of the timing of my cycle. After being on the birth control for about 10 days, I go off of it for about 3 days and then go in to have my baseline estrogen and progesterone levels checked as well as get an ultrasound to check out the lining of my uterus.

No one ever said this was glamorous 😉.

My local clinic then sends the results to SDFC and to my IARC coordinator. Once SDFC has a chance to look at things, they send a message saying (hopefully) all looks well and I can go ahead and start the oral estrogen pills. Which is exactly what happened...and then some. Apparently, while I was on the birth control, my body "grew" an egg (one matured maybe?). Being a cardiac nurse, this fact flew over my head until the fertility center clarified. My body can either allow this egg to just chill and not do it's thing about it and we can go ahead with the transfer (and from my interpretation, a week earlier?). If my body decides to ovulate the egg, all bets are off for this cycle and we will abandon ship until we can start again with my next cycle.

Can I just highlight the fact, this is completely up to science and absolutely out of our hands?

So here we are, another week into this and another step kind of forward. I'm very much hoping we can move forward. As much as I would love to be able to take matters into my own hands, I know this is up to fate (or chance/science/Mother Nature...whoever is in charge here).

To be continued this Tuesday!

T-Day

I had meant to update this a little sooner but...life.
Last week was pretty wonderful, in all honesty.
I was lucky enough to be able to take Armin out for Halloween. The day got so busy that I was really only able to snap one good picture of him in his (and my brother's girlfriend, Jess's) costume while visiting them. Ladies and gentlemen, behold, Bumblebee - Taco Edition:

Yep, he's mine, alright 😉.
While I was out with him, my phone notified me of a new email from SDFC. I was in a hurry so I just caught a glimpse of the first little bit of the email which happily said "We have good news! We are ready to move forward with a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) date!".
Butterflies.
I generally try to not respond to things that aren't urgent until I have time to myself to look at my phone a little more. And this was Halloween, I really enjoy going around trick-or-treating with Armin.
I tell ya, though, that phone was burning a hole in my pocket by the time I was able to look at that email.
After getting the Hurricane down from his sugar high and into bed, I checked out what the email had to say.
December 4th is the big day! Less than a month from now, we will be setting sail on this experience. The guys are also planning on being in San Diego for the transfer so I will officially get to meet them in person. I'm equally excited for both experiences 😊.
The email also went through a run-down of how the next few weeks leading up to the FET will go. Basically, it will look very similar to the mock cycle we went through last month. I will have a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork, get the go-ahead to start hormones, take the hormones with weekly ultrasounds and bloodwork to monitor how ready my body is. Alright, I've got this.
The email also stated that I will then fly out with a companion to San Diego the day before the transfer, which is when I will hopefully get to meet DJ and JP. After the transfer, I am to stay on pretty strict bedrest - I will only be able to get up to go to the bathroom and get food. I mean really, as a working mother, you really don't have to tell me twice to just spend the day lounging in bed 😛. Then I'll get to return home where I'll have a 20lb lifting restriction until I have a blood pregnancy test (hCG).
I'm just still in awe that this is happening. I'm so thankful to be at this point and I feel lucky to be doing this with these two guys. I have also thought about it a little more, and if all goes well, we will have the results back a little bit before Christmas. I'm not terribly religious but I do love the season and two sticky little ones would be a remarkable reason to add to the celebration 💚.
So, for now, a little more waiting. It's already going by quickly so I'm sure December 4th will be here sooner than we know it!

Another Step Forward

We have taken another step toward transfer!

They have officially cleared me during the mock cycle...one week early, too!

A huge sigh of relief came over me once I got the confirmation email from SDFC (San Diego Fertility Center, the clinic that will be performing the transfer). I wasn't too terribly worried that my uterine lining and blood levels would be of desired condition to sustain a pregnancy. However, as each day passes I have a stronger sense that I will do whatever I reasonably can to make this work for DJ and JP (the dads 😊) and the babies, as well as for Armin and I.

I just don't want to mess this up in any way.

As a true reflection of my Millenial status: I am 100% Team Babies.

So now that the mock cycle has been successful, we wait for a few final tests to come back and I await the arrival of what is the law binding contract between myself and the guys: the Gestational Carrier Agreement (GCA).

Which I received, with much anticipation, today.

Myyyyyyyy goodness, this thing is a bit daunting.

I had nursing school books thinner than this thing (I may have exaggerated a bit) but nonetheless I will be reading through this bad boy tonight. JP and DJ warned me that it was quite the document so I can't say I didn't have a clue what was coming. I just get a little intimidated by legal documents. My knowledge of many legal things is quite limited and I find the whole process of going through lawyers/courts intimidating.

So far, it all seems pretty much as I would imagine. I agree that I am in this to help THEM have their babies, not for myself to receive babies that I would deem my own. They agree that they will not try for more than the agreed amount of embryos to be transferred. I agree to remain healthy and not to make any decisions that would harm the babies when I am pregnant. And so forth. As a legal document, it has to bring up certain scenarios that seem a bit off the wall/unlikely but need to be discussed regardless. Just think of any worst-case scenario type thing and know that while I usually have a solid handle on any anxiety I experience, I do get a little anxious reading at some of the things this document discusses. What really got me was that they have to have a living will signed before the transfer date and, likewise, I have to have one sometime around the middle of the pregnancy. That's how in-depth and slightly morbid this thing gets.
Oy.

Regardless, I have full faith in all of this.

I am only about 1/4 through reading this thing so there may be some surprises later on in the document but I had to come up for a breath from reading it. So I decided to update this 😉.

My goal is to finish reading this tonight/tomorrow and get things set in stone as soon as reasonably/responsibly possible. These are the last "hoops" that we have to jump through before we can start talking transfer date.

I'm so ready for this.