Surprise!

More big news has come since my last post.

Last time I had posted anything, we were awaiting the results of the next weekly ultrasound and blood work. To say I was a little tense during the ultrasound and blood work would be an understatement. I felt good things about it but I wasn't sure if that was my perpetual optimism or a legitimate sign.

Turns out, my body is loving the heck out of these hormones because I was deemed ready to roll with a transfer a week early. I couldn't believe it reading that email from the fertility center. We made it to another point in this whole process!

Both SDFC as well as IARC have been absolutely wonderful throughout this whole process. Kayla, our IARC coordinator, was able to nail down an itinerary within hours of getting the "OK" and SDFC was very willing to work with the guys and myself to hammer out a time that would work for our travel schedules (I apologize for the hammer and nailing phrases, I'm currently stuck in the middle of an HGTV binge 😉.

With all of that coordinated, I was given directions to start more medications. Along with the prenatal vitamins, folic acid, baby aspirin and estrogen I've been taking daily, I began taking progesterone in oil shots the day after Thanksgiving.

This is the most ridiculous thing, with me being a nurse and having piercings, but I am very much leery of needles. Give me a shot to give to a patient and I can handle it, no problem. The thought of having to do this to myself? Inner pep talks galore.

Thankfully, I haven't had to do any of these shots myself yet which makes the whole requirement SO much more doable. I just feel like I've been doing squats like a mother for the past week. Definitely can handle it.

A few days down the road and here we are in the very temperate San Diego! 

The guys, my mom and I all flew in to the area yesterday and we were able to all meet for the first time in person. This was such a relief after having communicated primarily through texts and emails for the past month and a half! We had a very nice dinner together at a roof top restaurant by the ocean and were able to break the ice a little more naturally than our initial "What are your feelings on (insert terrible thing happening here)" getting to know you call during our matching phone call.

That leaves us with today - transfer day.

I can honestly say, I've never gotten (potentially) pregnant by two different men with 7 people in the room, one being my mother.

Cross that one off of my bucket list 😏.

The whole process was pretty cool and very (understandably) thorough.

They had thawed the embryos and showed pictures of before and after the thaw. Both looking healthy. They then verified with paperwork and verbally the number of embryos they were transferring. The embryologist also had to verify "these are the embryos of intended parents, DJ and JP to be transferred to Ilsa". I will admit, it caught my attention to hear her say that - we're doing this!

When all was said and done, Dr. D said everything looked great. I will have a blood draw in two weeks to confirm if I am pregnant but will still have to wait a few weeks more to confirm if both babies have decided to hang out in there for a while. We have made it to the big day and the rest is wait, wait, wait.

We said our goodbyes at the clinic as the guys had to book it to another clinic to get DJ's eye checked out before their flight home. He unfortunately took a quick and unexpected trip down their stairs at home the night before they flew out after tripping over one of their pugs. I hear that's good luck on transfer days, right?

So I have been instructed to take it pretty easy today and will head back home tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed for a successful transfer!

One Step...Diagonally?

Some more news that has come of this week...and here I thought we were going to have a few weeks of hum drum news in regards to the surrogacy.

First, the Camp Fire. I heard of this happening last Saturday morning. All I knew at that time was that there was a fire out in California that had started quickly and had (at that point) already claimed 6 lives. Not only do I have family out in California, but this is also where JP and DJ live. Que small panic. After researching some more, I found that the fire was in the immediate area of my cousin, Mary, and over 100 miles from where the guys live. Upon further updates, we found out my cousin was/is safe. I had also confirmed with the guys that they were ok, though air quality is quite poor there. From what I have heard last, the fire is still only 55% contained and has claimed over 50 lives. I cannot fathom what the families of those 56 people are going through. Despite how much we plan and look ahead in life, that can all easily be changed in a matter of a day, let alone a few seconds. My heart goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy. 

I am beyond thankful that those I know in the area are doing ok, despite the circumstances.

And now I'm realizing there's no smooth way to transition from that subject to that of surrogacy...

This is why I'm an awkward person.

This Wednesday was the start of our "cycle" to lead up to the hopeful transfer day. No big deal, right?

To start off the cycle, they need to get my "baseline" (I thoroughly apologize for the excessive use of quotes...my post-journalism self is getting increasingly annoyed with this). I guess, to rewind a little, my cycle technically started about 2 weeks ago now? I initially start by going on my birth control - kind of crazy, huh? The end goal is that I can help these two have two healthy babies but I have to take birth control. The reason behind that is to have better control of the timing of my cycle. After being on the birth control for about 10 days, I go off of it for about 3 days and then go in to have my baseline estrogen and progesterone levels checked as well as get an ultrasound to check out the lining of my uterus.

No one ever said this was glamorous 😉.

My local clinic then sends the results to SDFC and to my IARC coordinator. Once SDFC has a chance to look at things, they send a message saying (hopefully) all looks well and I can go ahead and start the oral estrogen pills. Which is exactly what happened...and then some. Apparently, while I was on the birth control, my body "grew" an egg (one matured maybe?). Being a cardiac nurse, this fact flew over my head until the fertility center clarified. My body can either allow this egg to just chill and not do it's thing about it and we can go ahead with the transfer (and from my interpretation, a week earlier?). If my body decides to ovulate the egg, all bets are off for this cycle and we will abandon ship until we can start again with my next cycle.

Can I just highlight the fact, this is completely up to science and absolutely out of our hands?

So here we are, another week into this and another step kind of forward. I'm very much hoping we can move forward. As much as I would love to be able to take matters into my own hands, I know this is up to fate (or chance/science/Mother Nature...whoever is in charge here).

To be continued this Tuesday!

T-Day

I had meant to update this a little sooner but...life.
Last week was pretty wonderful, in all honesty.
I was lucky enough to be able to take Armin out for Halloween. The day got so busy that I was really only able to snap one good picture of him in his (and my brother's girlfriend, Jess's) costume while visiting them. Ladies and gentlemen, behold, Bumblebee - Taco Edition:

Yep, he's mine, alright 😉.
While I was out with him, my phone notified me of a new email from SDFC. I was in a hurry so I just caught a glimpse of the first little bit of the email which happily said "We have good news! We are ready to move forward with a FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) date!".
Butterflies.
I generally try to not respond to things that aren't urgent until I have time to myself to look at my phone a little more. And this was Halloween, I really enjoy going around trick-or-treating with Armin.
I tell ya, though, that phone was burning a hole in my pocket by the time I was able to look at that email.
After getting the Hurricane down from his sugar high and into bed, I checked out what the email had to say.
December 4th is the big day! Less than a month from now, we will be setting sail on this experience. The guys are also planning on being in San Diego for the transfer so I will officially get to meet them in person. I'm equally excited for both experiences 😊.
The email also went through a run-down of how the next few weeks leading up to the FET will go. Basically, it will look very similar to the mock cycle we went through last month. I will have a baseline ultrasound and bloodwork, get the go-ahead to start hormones, take the hormones with weekly ultrasounds and bloodwork to monitor how ready my body is. Alright, I've got this.
The email also stated that I will then fly out with a companion to San Diego the day before the transfer, which is when I will hopefully get to meet DJ and JP. After the transfer, I am to stay on pretty strict bedrest - I will only be able to get up to go to the bathroom and get food. I mean really, as a working mother, you really don't have to tell me twice to just spend the day lounging in bed 😛. Then I'll get to return home where I'll have a 20lb lifting restriction until I have a blood pregnancy test (hCG).
I'm just still in awe that this is happening. I'm so thankful to be at this point and I feel lucky to be doing this with these two guys. I have also thought about it a little more, and if all goes well, we will have the results back a little bit before Christmas. I'm not terribly religious but I do love the season and two sticky little ones would be a remarkable reason to add to the celebration 💚.
So, for now, a little more waiting. It's already going by quickly so I'm sure December 4th will be here sooner than we know it!

Another Step Forward

We have taken another step toward transfer!

They have officially cleared me during the mock cycle...one week early, too!

A huge sigh of relief came over me once I got the confirmation email from SDFC (San Diego Fertility Center, the clinic that will be performing the transfer). I wasn't too terribly worried that my uterine lining and blood levels would be of desired condition to sustain a pregnancy. However, as each day passes I have a stronger sense that I will do whatever I reasonably can to make this work for DJ and JP (the dads 😊) and the babies, as well as for Armin and I.

I just don't want to mess this up in any way.

As a true reflection of my Millenial status: I am 100% Team Babies.

So now that the mock cycle has been successful, we wait for a few final tests to come back and I await the arrival of what is the law binding contract between myself and the guys: the Gestational Carrier Agreement (GCA).

Which I received, with much anticipation, today.

Myyyyyyyy goodness, this thing is a bit daunting.

I had nursing school books thinner than this thing (I may have exaggerated a bit) but nonetheless I will be reading through this bad boy tonight. JP and DJ warned me that it was quite the document so I can't say I didn't have a clue what was coming. I just get a little intimidated by legal documents. My knowledge of many legal things is quite limited and I find the whole process of going through lawyers/courts intimidating.

So far, it all seems pretty much as I would imagine. I agree that I am in this to help THEM have their babies, not for myself to receive babies that I would deem my own. They agree that they will not try for more than the agreed amount of embryos to be transferred. I agree to remain healthy and not to make any decisions that would harm the babies when I am pregnant. And so forth. As a legal document, it has to bring up certain scenarios that seem a bit off the wall/unlikely but need to be discussed regardless. Just think of any worst-case scenario type thing and know that while I usually have a solid handle on any anxiety I experience, I do get a little anxious reading at some of the things this document discusses. What really got me was that they have to have a living will signed before the transfer date and, likewise, I have to have one sometime around the middle of the pregnancy. That's how in-depth and slightly morbid this thing gets.
Oy.

Regardless, I have full faith in all of this.

I am only about 1/4 through reading this thing so there may be some surprises later on in the document but I had to come up for a breath from reading it. So I decided to update this 😉.

My goal is to finish reading this tonight/tomorrow and get things set in stone as soon as reasonably/responsibly possible. These are the last "hoops" that we have to jump through before we can start talking transfer date.

I'm so ready for this.

Screening Appointment

Another whirlwind of a week was had by this girl! Oofdah! Let me dive into recapping it.
Sunday: Armin's 4th birthday party!! I cannot believe my baby is becoming such a little boy! He had an absolute BLAST and it made my momma heart so full to see him so happy and surrounded by so many people who love him. He came up to me during the party and even said "Mom, I'm so excited! I get to play with all of my friends!". If you know how hectic our schedules are, you know how rare this is for him to get such time with ALL of his buddies so just hearing that made my week💚. Also, I came down with some kind of bug while at said party and tried to tough it out but around dinner time, I was beyond exhausted, achey and had the chills. I hated giving up that time with Armin but also knew I needed to take some time to make sure I was well, so he ended up spending the night with his Grandpa Donie so I could ride out whatever I'd come down with. Thank goodness for this little village I have.
Monday: Woke up feeling MUCH better. No chills, a little tired and functional! I was beyond relieved to be able to spend Armin's birthday with him that day and to not have to cancel this important appointment for the surrogacy. Armin and I just hung out at the apartment and played with his new toys. It was a much needed chill day for both of us and he loved getting to play with so many new things. My mom came around in the evening and picked us up, we got some Mc D's (per the birthday boy's request) and headed to the airport. Amin was upset with me for not taking him with me (it was hard to explain how quick this trip would be, let alone how boring it would be for him to be at the Dr. with me for 2ish hours). This was then followed by him saying "Mom, I don't want you to go. I don't want you to get lost". There goes my heart. I promised to take as many pictures of the airplanes as I could and keep my tickets for him so he could feel like he wasn't missing out on as much. I left with a big hug from two of the people I love the most. I arrived in San Diego around 10 that night and took my first Lyft ride to the hotel. By the grace of some external power, I managed to locate said Lyft. When talking to the driver, he asked what I was in the area for. I told him and he just said "Woah, wait a minute. Like, you're getting pregnant??". I laughed and said  not right now but soon. Que awkward "what a selfless/great thing you're doing" spiel (I am quickly realizing how well awkwardly I handle praise or flattery with this). I just told him it feels like the perfect time in my life to do this and I've always wanted to do this for someone(s). We had good conversation throughout the trip and once I got to the hotel, I was getting ready to tell him thank you and to have a good night. He then proceeds to ask if I wanted his number. Goodness. I made some awkward attempt at lightheartedly shooting his request down while quickly exiting the car.
Tuesday: Woke up hella early thanks to my CDT residence. Leisurely got ready and went down to get the complimentary breakfast. Met a nice lady in the elevator who said "I wonder if we'll get much rain today". To which I responded "Is it supposed to rain?". The lady looked at me sideways and just said "Well, there's a hurricane coming...". Here I am, blissfully unaware of an impending hurricane in the area I've just traveled to 😁. Ate my breakfast and felt energized enough to walk the half mile to the clinic and spare another Lyft ride. I made it there in good time and snapped a couple pictures of the area on my way (definitely a nice change from the flat plains of the midwest).

The appointment went quite well. They checked me out and drew some bloodwork to make sure I'm in tip top shape to even consider this. They said all looks well and I should be hearing back from the test results sometime this week. They then explained the medications and other fine details. Holy Hannah, those meds! The list includes a baby aspirin (to prevent a clot from messing up the pregnancy), estrogen and progesterone (self explanitory...one is a pill, the other a daily shot which I clarified must be taken on my backside), an antibiotic and steroid closer to go time for transferring the babes (to make sure there is no yuck in my system welcoming these innocent embryos in my body and to prevent my body from trying to give them the boot) and, of course, prenatal vitamins. I think that's everything... They then explained that the parents wanted to do a sort of "mock cycle" where I start taking estrogen pills and receive an ultrasound and bloodwork once a week for the next three weeks to make sure my uterus lining thickens well enough and my hormone levels respond appropriately. Essentially, more assurance that my body will be ready for all of this. I am all for that! I then met the doctor that will be performing the IVF as well as his medical assistant. They ALL had such good things to say about the parents which was not surprising from what I've heard about them but it was all the more reassuring that I got matched with the most amazing parents :). I left for home a couple hours after the appointment (after getting a little time to check out the bay area and, of course, get sunburnt in the process - thank you Scandinavian ancestors!). The trip back was relatively uneventful...but I must commend my mother for driving to pick my happy (tired) ass up at the Omaha airport after my final flight had been unexpectedly canceled. Have I ever said how lucky I am to have the parents I do? Because I hit the dang jackpot 💚
Wednesday: Throw off my schedule to work an overnight (aka spotty sleep throughout the day).
Thursday: Throw off my schedule again to get back onto a day schedule for my work weekend. Puke. I did get a pedicure and pizza with my friend, Traci, though! And I got to talk to a very distracted Armin about how his week had been so far.
Friday-Sunday: Work, work, work. The agency also released my information to the parents (and vice versa), so we began communicating a little more casually via email. I am so happy for this and that the communication is going so well. For as uncommon of a circumstance as this is, I fell like we are all meshing pretty well and I am just more and more anxious to get this ball rolling with them!
So here I am now (I'm so sorry for the long winded explanation of my week. If you're still reading this, I owe you a few minutes back of your life...and maybe a cookie). Tomorrow, I go to my first ultrasound/bloodwork draw of this "mock cycle" and if everything looks ok, I will start my first estrogen pill tomorrow night. Fair warning, if I start crying for no reason, I blame it mostly on the new seasons of This Is Us and Grey's Anatomy starting up recently...and I suppose the hormones.
Hoping all goes well tomorrow and I can take another step forward in this process.
For now, sleep!
Good night, internet!

It's a Match!

Hello!
I've been meaning to post an update much sooner but between work and keeping up with my small hurricane of a son, the days have been full.
I have some news I'm just bursting to tell everyone about!! However I still feel its not the right time to go public with my surrogacy journey so this blog (and a few of my closest loved ones) will have to suffice for the time being 😊
The phone call with the intended parents went marvelously!
Throughout the whole conversation, we all jived quite well. We admitted that the whole formal phone conversation meeting thing was a bit on the awkward side but we all rolled with it well. They still sound exactly as they seemed on their parent bio. They are both down to earth and hard working guys who are in VERY deserving of a family of their own. With each answer they provided, I was hollering "Yes!!"...in my head of course 😅. Apparently they have 6 viable embryos and were hoping for a boy and a girl. Low and behold, the two healthiest embryos are just that! Beyond that, they brought up multiple times that they want this all to remain as safe as possible for me and would not consider anything that would put my safety in jeopardy (I do realize pregnancy is wildly unpredictable and is inherently risky in itself but I - as well as my doctor - feel that I am at a relatively low risk for complications due to my age and health status...sorry to sound like a public broadcast warning for a hot second there). Being reassured of this in multiple ways, without even outright questioning them on their concerns for my safety make me feel like we are all in this for the right reasons and have everyones best interests at heart.
So I am officially matched with my intended parents (as of last Monday)!!!!!
Now onward to the traveling. I am slotted to travel to San Diego on the evening of the 1st (the agency was even kind enough to accommodate my wish to leave as late as possible on that day because it will be Armin's 4th birthday 💚. I got a list of the itinerary yesterday and immediately got the feeling I had back on the first day of my freshman year in high school. That "oh shit, I have to be here at this time. What if I don't wake up on time? How will I get there? Goodness sakes, should I eat before? What should I wear?". Those feelings. Luckily, the coordinator for the agency I'm going through laid it all out pretty fool proof for me so I'm hoping all will go well next week. They are to run some blood/urine tests, do an overall exam and run me through the details of the fertility meds I'll be starting on...if all looks well.
I'm still nervous there will be a hitch. We've made it this far and I KNOW in my heart that this is the couple I absolutely want to do this for so I don't want to let them down and delay the process for them as well as I'm just so freaking excited to be helping them create their own little family!
So keep your fingers crossed that I:
A) Can make it from Sioux Falls to the San Diego Fertility Center without royally screwing up my itinerary.
B) Am in good shape to be a good candidate for this.
C) Don't make any typical embarrassingly awkward remarks to the staff at said fertility center.
D) Make it there and back safely.
Here's to the next step! 🙌

Meet the Parents

Last week, after working a string of night shifts, I was tiredly playing with Armin when I got an email from my matching coordinator through IARC.
She had found potential parents for me to surrogate for!
Just reading the title of the email had me beside myself. I opened the email and skimmed through (seeing that they had written a two page bio about themselves and included some pictures of them). Out of respect for my time with Armin, I mustered the self control to wait to read the bio/email until after he went to bed that night. Once I finally had the time to, I sat down and read their bio.
(For respect for their privacy, I want to keep their names personal until I've run it by them). They are have been married for 3 years now and are very active and family oriented. They were both raised by single mothers and both still live close to their families. They have pets and love to bike together and one of them even does a "Big/Little Brother" mentoring-type of program. Their views on parenting align well with my own and they have similar desires toward staying in contact throughout the pregnancy and after. Also, they want a twin pregnancy and would like to transfer before the end of the year.
Holy cats! This is perfect and...say what?! I might potentially be helping them out this soon? I know I was antsy to get this ball rolling but, my stars, I thought I'd have more hoops to jump through (which I do) to get to that point.
Reading up on their personalities and relationship as well as their parenting goals really allowed this all to sink in more with me. These could be the guys I will be helping out. I have more of a palpable way of imagining my goal of helping others create a family.
And they seem downright - wonderful -. 😊
So now we move on to a little getting to know you phone call. Which will occur in approximately 2 hours.
I had every ambition of waking up early, getting a good run in, showering and being ready for this call by then.
Currently, I have been awake for roughly an hour, have yet to even drink my coffee and am typing this as I sit slovenly on the couch 😬 Guess that's a more realistic expectation of how energetic I would be after working the weekend.
I've looked through some of the questions the coordinator will be going through with me and I'm not really concerned about preparing for anything. They're all pretty straight-forward and ones that I can easily answer being my genuine self. Here are a few examples:
-Why are you wanting to be a surrogate and how does your partner (if applicable) feel about you doing this?
-Who do you consider your support system through this and what is their reaction to this?
-My pregnancy history, the doctor I intend to see here for my pregnancy.
-Lifestyle changes I intend to make throughout the pregnancy as well as the intended parent's expected lifestyle changes of me throughout the pregnancy.
-Expected amount of contact from each parties during and after pregnancy.
-The clinic and the number of embryos they intend to transfer (and how I feel about that number).
-How both parties feel about genetic testing, selective reduction (should the embryos unintentionally split and make even more babies), and thoughts on termination if the baby is deemed to have any terminal or otherwise detrimental genetic issues.

Oy!
I have a feeling this will be a bit of a whirlwind of a phone call with how broad those questions span.
But those are very important things well all need to square away and make sure are understood if we are going to go ahead with this journey together.
I'm more nervous about making a good first impression on the potential dads.
I do believe I'm not the greatest at making first impressions. I can be a little awkward and not the greatest conversationalist so I just hope I don't come off the wrong way to them in a few hours.
So here I sit, just waiting and still trying to get the motivation to do much else with myself right now 😅. I'll keep you all posted on how this call goes!

Something New

Well this is an entirely new experience all around. Never have I ever in my life started a blog. Fun fact as well, never have I ever been able to say that I am pursuing the potential for me to become a surrogate.
Yep, you read that right.
Someone else's bun will be in my oven.
An unconventional oven of sorts. 😉
I wanted to start this blog to sort of document my experience in this process. I have now told my immediate family, my close friends and (in a couple days) my workplace.
Oofdah.
So for those who know me, I am pretty intentionally quiet about my personal life. Sure, I'm like any millennial who enjoys posting the occasional photo/ditty on Facebook about people/things that are near and dear to my heart. However, I also like the privilege of not having the fine details of my life on show for all to see. It goes without saying, then, that writing this blog is a pretty significant step outside of my comfort zone as far as sharing my personal info.
Now that you know how profound this is for me...let's move on to this whole extreme babysitting process.
For many years, I've thought it would be pretty awesome to become a surrogate for someone else. During those years, however, I was convinced I wouldn't be a candidate for such a thing. I'm a divorced mother, I've had an ovarian cyst, I definitely enjoyed my early 20s, I have experienced a miscarriage and I had terbutaline (a shot to stop contractions)  when I was 35 weeks and 6 days along (a technicality) with Armin for what I have now been told were “unproductive contractions”. Despite my desire to help those in need of someone to carry a child, I'd dismissed my history as something that would not qualify me to become the ideal surrogate candidate.
And I went on about my life.
Then, a coworker began looking into surrogacy. I followed what she was going through with her surrogacy and seeing her posting/talking to her about the progression of her journey in this process got me more and more curious. So I decided to take the leap.
I figured "what the heck?". If this is truly something I want to do for an individual or couple, there's no better time than the present to look into it and the worst that this agency can say is "We're sorry, but you're just not cut out for this". Though I wouldn't have liked that response, at least then I would KNOW that I'm not cut out for this...if I'm truly not cut out for this.
So I have officially decided to go through International Assisted Reproductive Center (IARC for short) to help me through this journey. I chose them because they were local, the reviews I had read on them were profoundly positive and I just had a good "feeling" about them when dissecting their website.
About a month later, I have gone through an initial call to explain what is ALL involved in this process (down to talking about how I would explain this to Armin, how I would handle potentially being on bedrest, if I am ok with the parent(s) making certain decisions during the pregnancy). And there was no pressure through all of it. I set the limits on what I was comfortable and not comfortable with and the coordinator (Nicole) was 100% supportive through all of it. Then, I moved on to the actual application. This included typical questions about my medical history, social history, etc. I had a lot of questions throughout this process but thankfully, Nicole was able to guide me through the process easily 😊
Then on to the nitty gritty details of verifying if my insurance company would cover a surrogate pregnancy, the psych evaluation and gathering various other information to piece my "profile" together.
Which all leads me to where I am now!
I got the official email last week saying I've been approved through the surrogacy screening process and I am moving forward to the matching stage!!
I am BEYOND excited!
Like christmas in (then) August excited.
Like finding out the person ahead of you in Starbucks just paid for 5 years of coffee for you (does anyone even know what that feels like? I can only imagine...).
Like winning the dang lottery 😊😊
I cannot wait to meet whoever I am able to help out with through this process. I want to tell them I'm here for them. That I will do what it takes to give them the family they want. That I will protect this potential pregnancy with all that I have. And that I feel for them.
I want to be able to walk through this with them and come out knowing I did this for a wonderful and meaningful reason.
And I want to be able to bring some laughter and sarcasm to them through this as well :)
So, here it is. This first post and one of the first few milestones in this crazy, fantastic experience!
Cheers to an Unconventional Oven!